Since I was 4 years old I have been dancing in a dancing group. Well it's not hip hop or something "very cool". It's a traditional Volksdancing group with an old costume, but I don't think I need to go in detail, because it is not that interesting. (However if there is someone, who wants to know about it, which i doubt, feel free to ask.)
Belonging to this group has helped me a lot but it also showed a bad side to me. Especially since I transferred from the children into the "young adult" group. (It contains mainly out of over 20 year olds and a friend of mine and I, who are younger)
So there is me and my friend Helen (That's not her name, but I will call her that). We've each other for more than 10 years. Though when we were younger, she was rather unpopular, from my point of view. I was her friend in that time to, but we didn't talk very much.
At that time I had a best friend, who was also in our little kids dance group. We were in kindergarten together and it was the easiest thing being around her. I liked her for the way she was, as well as she liked me for what I was. She was the friend I thought I'd always have contact with. But of course things turned out differently.
A few years ago something started to change. We were too old for the kids group and too young for the next and so we all kind of stopped with the traditional thing.
I was still in school with both of them and I was in class with Lauren (That's how I'll call the other girl).
That was also a hard time for me. I started having panic going to school. I don't know exactly why, it just was there. Around others I would feel totally alone. I thought that I didn't deserve friends anymore. I locked myself up from my own life.
In those days I could have really used a best friend, but Lauren wasn't there for me. She didn't look at me anymore. For me it seemed like from one day to the other I was nothing anymore. A lonely girl no one wanted to know. I often tried to keep in touch with her. She never answered properly.
I don't know if she actually knew what was going on with me. Maybe she was just not informed, but today I'm sure she knew and she just didn't care at all.
If it had been her, I would have cared. I would have been there for her or at least try.
Some years have passed since then and I'm way better now. Which is really good.
Now I'm in the older group with Helen and she is a good friend really, but she somehow came close to Lauren, when I was this emotional wreck and they are "best friends".
It makes me so sick just thinking about it. Lauren did talk bad about Helen when we were younger. Apparently people can change there mind in both ways.
So now I have to listen to Helen talking about her great friendship with Lauren and how fun it is with her. In social medias I see their pictures and some posts. That's not fair. It makes me so angry, sad, unimportant.
I guess that feeling will never fully go away, but I try to handle it. I never want to fall that deep again.
It's just that I don't want Helen to remind me about that all the time and I don't know if I can tell her about how I feel. Maybe she won't understand... .
Can someone relate to this kind of situation? Or have any tips?
I would love to hear what someone else thinks about it!
Love
eanna xx
