One is: Am I actually good at anything?
I don't know how many people have this question on there mind too, but I guess there are some...
Usually my answer is that I'm good at playing piano. However what does that actually mean? Am I a good pianist or is it just my imagination?
I do know that I'm good for myself, but that doesn't necessarily mean that others feel the same.
And when I have those thoughts I get stuck in them, which most of the times just totally brings me down.
In my school we have instrumental lessons and there is this girl in my class, that my teacher treats differently. Somehow it makes me feel like I'm not good enough, because I play since over 10 years and she only plays 7 (only...).
During the lesson the others and I get like 5 minutes to play and she plays 50. My teacher then tells me in those 5 minutes that apparently I don't do my best and I know she just wants that I "play as good as my classmate".
Somehow one day I talked to an other girl in my class about that and she totally agreed with me and she then said to me: What are you talking about! I heard you play and in my opinion you where far better then our teacher thinks and far better then... .
Better.
When I think about it now it's kind of sad that I needed someone to tell me that I was better then someone to make me feel better. But it did.
Playing piano is something I am passionate about, though I don't want to think about being better or filling up the expectations of others.
I just want to play. Enjoy it. Let it fill me with happiness, that's all it is about. Doing it for yourself. It doesn't matter what it is. But if you feel good about it, it shouldn't bother you one minute what someone else thinks. You are good at something.
Everyone is.
Yours
Eanna
And when I have those thoughts I get stuck in them, which most of the times just totally brings me down.
In my school we have instrumental lessons and there is this girl in my class, that my teacher treats differently. Somehow it makes me feel like I'm not good enough, because I play since over 10 years and she only plays 7 (only...).
During the lesson the others and I get like 5 minutes to play and she plays 50. My teacher then tells me in those 5 minutes that apparently I don't do my best and I know she just wants that I "play as good as my classmate".
Well today I just think that she's not right, because I am good and I can play the songs I like just as good or even better then others, but for some months I just didn't want to play. I couldn't come near the piano. It would make me sick just thinking about playing, since every time I sat down and laid my hands on the keyboard those thoughts of my badness always came up and I didn't fight it.
Somehow one day I talked to an other girl in my class about that and she totally agreed with me and she then said to me: What are you talking about! I heard you play and in my opinion you where far better then our teacher thinks and far better then... .
Better.
When I think about it now it's kind of sad that I needed someone to tell me that I was better then someone to make me feel better. But it did.
Playing piano is something I am passionate about, though I don't want to think about being better or filling up the expectations of others.
I just want to play. Enjoy it. Let it fill me with happiness, that's all it is about. Doing it for yourself. It doesn't matter what it is. But if you feel good about it, it shouldn't bother you one minute what someone else thinks. You are good at something.
Everyone is.
Yours
Eanna
I really like this post, i always used to underestimate what i was good at but now i dont care about anyone else, i just do it for me, its nice to know there are others that felt the same. P.S. i love the piano, i dont play but i would really like to, i just dont think i would be very good xD
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you like it :) And I think if you really like to play you should just try! Of course it's hard at first, but you'll get better and better :))
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